Tuesday, May 20, 2008
"Man/Woman's work"
Over the weekend I met a gentleman and over the course of our conversation he informed me that when he gets married he wants his wife to take care of the house and raise his children. I asked him why she had to stay home and take care of "the house " while he worked? He stated if he could provide for his family then his wife should take care of the house and raise his children. Growing up that was what his family structure was like and he saw nothing wrong with that. It made me wonder is there any way to change that type of thinking? Really when you think about it we all had different upbringings so does that mean we are bond to how we were raised? Is there anyway to break free from that? It upset me because I don't think there should be man's work or woman's work but I understood that we are all a product of how we were raised and some people can't see past that (I believe it's called being old fashion).
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9 comments:
Daphne~ I know that must have been a difficult conversation. There are many individuals that feel like women are to be at home, bare feet, and taking care of children. It is hard to break this cycle considering this is how some individuals grow up. Hopefully you had some insight and he would think about what you told him how women are and how powerful and independent we are.
Wow..this is an incredible insight into what remains of the "oldfashioned" ways. I think this guy you were talking to represents a dying breed. He was raised with the Leave it to Beaver model and feels that its the right thing for him.
We are not connected to what we've learned. If we were I would be a stay at home mother. As individuals we need to each find the road that is most suited to us. If you get a chance to read my blog you'll see an example of the complete opposite.
Daphne: There are alot of individuals these days that still believe in the "traditional way" of living where the man works and the wife stays home and takes care of the house and traises the kids. Some people fail to realize that perhaps both parents may need to work for the better of their family, and although that may not be what tha plan was, it may be whats working best for the family. The gentleman you had the conversation with must have come from a real old fashioned family, to have the family instill these beliefs in him like that. I agree with you, no man or woman should be expected to perform the "manly roles" or "the womanly roles", but unfortunatley there are some individuals still out there that want to love that traditional lifestyle.
Hi Daphne: This conversation is very interesting to me. I also kno many men who has this sort of mentality towards marriage. I believe it will be very hard for men who have this mentality to be in a relationship with a woman who is strongly against this type of life. Nowadays, there are so many women who disagree with a marriage that consist of a stay at home wife and a career husband. Indeed many women are very independent, educated, and career bounded. Though that type of lifestyle was very common in the 50s it is surely diminishing.
You know Daphne...I kind of get stuck in that train of thought also, only its relating to the fact that my parents have been together for 26years. I feel that if I were to ever get married and have kids, I would have to live up to what my parents have done and have a successful long marriage. Will I ever find that??? Thats what scares me!
Blogger Daphne2508 said...
I do understand totally what you mean by this but men are the dominate species and women are more laid back. I learned in workforce Diversity that if you take two people; a man and woman who are in the same position talking about the same things in a meeting, it is more likely that a man is listened to more then a woman. Both women and men take directions better from men then women but women do explain better and tend to give more details. We want things to be equal where gender is concerned but we ourselves even discriminate against our own. This isn’t something I am making up there have been studies that show that we are innate creatures who follow habit and for the most part men are dominate and that is who we follow. I don’t feel its right but it’s so difficult to come away from that. These traits are imbedded in us from birth so how if at all can you come away from it. We don’t even realize we are doing it when we do do it.
May 23, 2008 7:05 PM
Blogger Daphne2508 said...
I can understand where you are coming from but it's like why do you think he acts that way? Maybe growing up that was the role his mother took and he is just mimicking what he saw. It's difficult for all to not act out what was taught since early development. I wonder what would happen if you just decided to "lay back." Do you think he could take the lead? When you think about it this is the perfect example of masculine/ feminine roles? How do we pull away from this? Or can we?
May 20, 2008 7:16 PM
Blogger Daphne2508 said...
We are this way because of our gender roles. You feel like this b/c that is how you were raised. Certain things are considered women's work and others are men's work. I think we should shy away from these roles b/c both sexes can have both and still be effective. you figure your child is more likely to grow up and be like you b/c she is already learning gender roles by watching the interaction between you and her father.
May 23, 2008 7:08 PM
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