Final one!

Final one!

http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/06/23/marriage.investigation.ap/index.html

The link above is an article that I read today about a gay couple trying to get married in Virginia. I never have to worry about being denied getting married when it’s my time because I am a heterosexual female, but not everyone have that luxury. It makes me sick to see that people have to go through such length just to get married in today’s society. I think about how these two men wanted to just express there love for one another and were not only denied that but now possibly face charges! This is a disgrace; I don’t think they should be in legal trouble for something that comes so natural to them (and us). Love doesn’t know race, sex, gender, or sexual orientation. Somehow the people in charge feel they should be able to govern what adults do with there lives.

In the article it states that the laws themselves aren’t clear on what is legal when it comes to gays, lesbians, and transgender. One person's sex may vary from birth certificate, to passport, to doctor's office. You could have a driver's license in New York state that says you're a male and have a birth certificate from New York City that says you're female -- there's no simple answer to the question of someone's legal gender. So why should it matter? Why can’t two people fall in love and consummate that love? I really don’t see what the big deal is. I think marriage is a special thing that everyone should be able to experience and no one should be able to have the authority to stop someone from experiencing that. The more we learn about differences the more we will be able to accept change.

This week I reflected on gender roles in the family. Recently I was watching World News with Charles Gibson and the subject of gender roles came up as they were talking to a married couple where the wife worked while the husband stayed home and watched the children. The wife had a MBA while her husband had a BA so for them it made sense for him to care of the children while she went out and worked. Financially she was making a lot more then her husband so they came to the decision that it would benefit them if he stayed home. This subject also came up in my Workforce Management course before. At that time I really didn’t think about the benefits I just thought a man must be a soft if he lets his woman work while he stays at home. I feel I was wrong in my assessment though. Some people have better skills then others, for example it may make sense if a man is more nurturing and academically incline for him to stay home with the kids. Not to say that there is something wrong with the mother but you should do what’s in your family’s best interest. I never really thought about it because I always just assumed that when I marry we would both work but then I thought about this couple from TV and I wondered if I could really be ok with that type of situation? I use to think a man isn’t pulling his weight if he is staying home and his wife is working but that is just not true. I mean it is a full time responsibility to raise a family and care for a household. I take it for granted that women do it all the time but there is something to be said for any person that is able to do that. What is wrong with a man staying home? I am starting to think that depending on your situation it may work for the husband to stay home with the kids. The text talks about this and will men be respected if they give up there careers and be homemakers (p 315) and I think that society is slowly changing to where respect will be given to homemakers regardless of gender. A man isn’t any less of a man because he stays at home (p 314) and the same applies to a woman in the workforce. I feel like in this course it really opens your eyes as to what it is to be a man or a woman in today’s society. You have to really look at all angles.

men vs women

Why does do we have to pen man against women, both movements are equally as important? I mean if women were treated equally in the workforce then I don’t think men would feel so much pressure to be the sole provider of healthy salary within the home (p104). I think both men and women can work together to stop this inequality. Being that it still exists to me means that not everyone wants things to change.

When I think of women vs. men I think about the recent democratic race. It was such and moment in history just have a woman make it so far but I notice that we still have a way to go as a society because as a whole we aren’t at a stage where a woman could lead the country. There have been woman leaders in so many other countries but not here and we are supposedly the leader of the pack, I find this hard to believe. I think being that we are in a man’s world and they call the shoots they aren’t going to ever have a woman in charge no matter how many movements we have. In others words in order to have equality justice and opportunity you need to be male (p79). This message has been taught and is still being taught with help further divide the genders.

Men let your guard down!

This week I want to touch on a situation that came up. I was with someone and we had a conversation about something life altering. I noticed that he wasn’t really expressing himself or saying much he just stood in disbelief. So I asked him to tell me what was on his mind and express how he was feeling. He couldn’t he just stated a few things but wouldn’t elaborate on any of them (it was like he was reading a grocery list or something). I questioned him why he wouldn’t tell what was on his mind and he said the more he talked the harder it was to hold everything in. As I watched him he kept putting his head down and then finally he went into a dark room where he started to cry. He only let a few tears escape and he tried to do everything in power to not let me see them. So I asked him why he wouldn’t let himself be vulnerable around me because I have so many times in the past. He stated that even though he knows crying is therapeutic and its something everyone does he was raised that men don’t cry because it makes you look “soft.” I tried to convince him that I would never look at him like that but he said you don’t just change overnight he’s a man and he lets it out when he is alone by himself. This made me think about the pressures to conform to masculinity in the text (p198). He was taught to be strong, tough, and aggressive and anything under that makes him less than man. To him crying is connected to femininity and even though we were alone he would not let himself go there in front of me. This is where stereotypes of men come in because men feel they have to be a” study oak” all the time (p236). It’s like they refuse to show any emotion even though these are human emotions! I did get frustrated but I knew that this type of change can’t be done overnight and this is how most guys are raised.

School bias

In chapter 8 the text refers to bias women face in school. Gender- stereotyped curricula (p 194) is something I think many women are faced with at some point in school.

I remember when I was entering high school I was so excited with the fact that I would be able to pick and choose courses I was interested in. It felt liberated to be able to take academic courses that would be in a field I was interested in (business). I remember early on going to my counselor to pick classes and expressing what courses I was looking for and then having her place me in home economics. I am not saying there is anything wrong with courses like that but that wasn’t what my interest was in. I felt like she wasn’t listening to my desires she just saw me as another girl. I was more interested in the accounting and business law courses and she made it such a challenge for me to get in those courses. She would often ask me “if I was sure” or “wouldn’t I feel more comfortable taking home economics like my friends.” I was so taken back by having a woman pigeon-hole me like that it really pissed me off! I mean aren’t we suppose to stick together and here she was trying to turn me into a housewife! I didn’t want to cook or sew or play with fake babies I wanted to tell her that every girl doesn’t want to do that with her life. I was upset I had to eventually change counselors. I felt like there was a huge amount of pressure (p 198) just to take what was offered to me and not make a big deal about it. I didn’t want people to look at me like I was the person to make something out of nothing but at the same time I wanted to explore courses I actually wanted to pursue after high school. I never have been the type to hold my tongue because I was taught “a closed mouth doesn’t get fed.” I took a lot of slack because not only would I not take that classes she wanted me to but I went on to have another counselor because my needs weren’t being met. It was a little difficult in the beginning to have to see her when I would see my new counselor but in the end I felt I made the right decision (regardless of what others thought). I ended up with a man as my final counselor and I never had a problem getting into any of the classes I wanted. I don’t know if he just didn’t want have the same issues that I had with my first counselor or if he really was interested in keeping me engaged but I never had a problem with getting the classes I wanted. I felt like he pushed me harder because he saw my potential.

"Man/Woman's work"

Over the weekend I met a gentleman and over the course of our conversation he informed me that when he gets married he wants his wife to take care of the house and raise his children. I asked him why she had to stay home and take care of "the house " while he worked? He stated if he could provide for his family then his wife should take care of the house and raise his children. Growing up that was what his family structure was like and he saw nothing wrong with that. It made me wonder is there any way to change that type of thinking? Really when you think about it we all had different upbringings so does that mean we are bond to how we were raised? Is there anyway to break free from that? It upset me because I don't think there should be man's work or woman's work but I understood that we are all a product of how we were raised and some people can't see past that (I believe it's called being old fashion).